Chapter 4 - Profiling My Abuser
Before I unpack my second experience with Law Enforcement, I must answer the question too few people ask:
WHY DID HE DO IT?
Let’s get things perfectly clear up front. Todd was not deprived or abused. Drugs, alcohol, gangs, poverty, or mental illness are NOT mitigating circumstances. Todd is merely a lower-middle class, mediocre, White man with an over-developed sense of Entitlement.
Simplistically put, ‘Entitlement’ means that an individual believes they inherently deserve privileges and special treatment regardless of the cost to others. Todd was raised a little prince in a household of women, and indulged by a kind-hearted but estranged father. He never had to deal with the consequences of his actions.
The women in his life ensured that his juvenile record was sealed, let him to drop out of High School, provided him with a paying job as a ‘handyman’ with his own ‘pad,’ and dealt with his never-ending traffic offenses. Eventually his driving record was tainted in New York State, South Carolina and Georgia. So then he just drove on a suspended license! Laws were meant for other people, not for him. That is why his bank accounts were handed over to collection agencies. Why his vehicles were repossessed. Why he hasn’t paid taxes since 2009. Why he took and used my credit cards and blatantly signed my name. Why he bought illegal steroids from Israel and China. Why he ‘catfished’ on dating sites as a jet pilot. Why he ‘consumed’ the personal ads on Craigslist 24/7. Why ….. I don’t need to go on. You get it.
And when he failed again (add dismissed assault charges to the list) he moved in with his sister in Atlanta under the guise that he was helping her post her divorce. Thus the ‘monster’ arrived in my backyard.
And then I reinforced everything he had been taught by his family. That he was special, and didn’t have to work, or pay his way, or tell the truth, or be faithful, or never hit a woman.
Mea culpa!
Todd Thomas Kress beat me because he never had to pay the price for breaking the law. From the age of 15 he lived in the gym, took steroids and packed on muscle. The combination of being ‘roided and ripped’ and believing he was above the law, bred an addiction to Power. And when that wasn’t enough he embraced the thrill of ‘owning’ another human-being through intimidation and brutality.
Think of it this way. From the beginning of time tyrants, warmongers, militants and warriors have satisfied a lust for Power and domination by going to war. Where is that drive to subjugate and control today? Of course it still lives amongst us. The drive to ‘own’ and manipulate manifests in Politics and Sports and Business in the form of, for example, an Ailes or Hernandez or Weinstein or Cosby. Boardrooms and C-suites around the world have their fair share of ruthless men and women enjoying hostile take-overs, lay-offs and downsizing in the name of profit. The human imperative for Power over others is alive and well. And then of course, some of us end up with a formidable, cold-blooded tyrant in our beds.
When Todd was finally Sentenced to prison on July 18th 2019, I read the following to a full courtroom that included the sentencing Judge, my Prosecutor, the defense attorney, and Todd’s sister Staci Kress.
“The Offender is the ‘Ted Bundy of Domestic Violence’. Todd Kress is a well-packaged Narcissist, masquerading as a charming, all-round ‘nice guy’. In truth he is devoid of genuine affection, empathy, remorse or conscience. He is a pathological liar manipulating everyone he encounters. I have substantial evidence that he is a calculating sexual predator, who prowls gyms and trawls dating sites for people to degrade. This is not a story about anger issues. Todd’s behavior transcends any concept of anger. His eyes gleamed with glee and he grinned demonically as he rained down blows on me. Todd is aroused and exhilarated by cruelty. He delights in it.”
So that is why he did it! Todd is addicted to using his physical strength, guile, sex and lies, to get whatever he wants. And next time, and there will be a next time because people like him don’t/can’t change, he will be so much smarter. He will use every lesson he learned becoming a convicted felon and serving time in prison to make sure he doesn’t get caught again. To this day the dysfunctional ‘family’ responsible for raising this bad seed believes his lies and distortions despite the mountain of evidence to the contrary. To the extent that they ‘lied’ in court while under oath. I wonder what they will do when he strikes again?
My friends and family ask if I’m I afraid of retaliation? I have transcended fear. I lived with it for so long that I’ve become immune. And if I become a Homicide statistic it won’t take much for my local ‘blue wall’ to figure it out.
Being liberated from fear is exhilarating. If you are living in an abusive relationship I know, and you need to know, that freedom comes at a ‘price’! I will elaborate on this in Blogs to come.
But ask yourself – “What is the price of staying versus leaving? How much are you prepared to pay? ” And try to remember – you, and those you love, are worth it.
Some expert might ask how I can prove my insights into Todd’s motivations. I lived with him for 9 years! And for 7 of those years I had front row seats to the ferocious beatings. And let’s not forget - he was found Guilty of 3 felonies for Continuous Family Violence. The statistics of a supposed ‘first offender’ of Domestic Violence being sent to prison are less than 1%. But the evidence was so overwhelming that not only did the Defense not argue ‘mental illness,’ they did not put forward a defense argument at all!
