The End. Or Just The Beginning?
In 2016 my lower spine, already weakened from being regularly thrown to the ground or hurled into walls, finally gave in. Since mid-2012, when Todd shoved me backwards into an empty bathtub, my spine had been holding on by “a wing and a prayer.” It took just one wrong move in the gym and it came crashing down like a house of cards.
When a disc ruptures you are left with bone pressing on nerve. The pain is excruciating. And relentless. Sobbing, I twisted my body into pretzel-shapes trying to alleviate the searing sensation of a dagger severing raw nerves. It’s unusual for me to cry. Many years of abuse had trained me to lock up my emotions. Anger, fear, pain, grief were wild horses that I had to keep reined in. But the pain in my back transcended that control. And the horses ran free.
And so in June 2016, the day after my birthday, I had spinal surgery. As I was wheeled into surgery the pain in my lower back reverberated inside my skull. I wanted to rip my face off. Fling myself into walls. Obliterate my being. And then ….
…… I woke up in the Recovery Room. And the shattering pain was GONE! In its place was just the dull ache of the incision. I wanted to dance. I invited the nurses to go partying with me (I was druggy). I embraced my orthopedic surgeon for being the miracle-worker that he is. I was reborn. A new woman.
That’s exactly what it felt like when I awoke the day after Todd Kress had been arrested.
After a barrage of phone calls (see Chapter 9) I put my phone on ‘Silent’ mode and passed out. Hours later as I roamed my home the echo-y silence bathed my wounds. Somehow the light pouring in through the windows had a gossamer sheen to it. The very air felt light. The tranquil beauty of my property soothed my soul. Fresh air wafted in through the open french doors. So this is what Freedom feels like?!
Gone was the impending sense of doom. Gone was the specter of imminent danger. Gone was the odious presence of a man who hated me. And I, him. The house was slowly being reborn. Into a HOME.