The Interview
Coincidently while I was seeking Eviction advice from Constable Hood, the Detective assigned to my Domestic Violence case introduced himself. Enter Detective Ryan Hayden (now a Sergeant!) You know how Police TV shows stereotypically portray the Detective as a 50+ male, with a gnarled, weather-beaten face and a belly hanging over his belt from ‘too many donuts?’ Now imagine the EXACT opposite. When Detective (Sergeant) Hayden extended his hand to introduce himself, my brain screamed “Oh god he’s too young and GQ to handle my case.”
I could not have been more wrong.
Over the 19-month journey that lay ahead Detective (Sergeant) Hayden was this kind yet rigorous presence doing due diligence without fanfare. When 19 months later I was finally sitting in court awaiting Todd’s Sentencing, he sat on the bench behind me like my personal guardian angel even though he didn’t have to be there. Detective Hayden and Deputy Zediker are the embodiment of the motto - “To Serve and Protect.”
TIME-WARP TIME
Two days after Todd’s arrest I was interrogated by Detective Hayden. I don’t remember much other than it seemed to go on for a really, really long time. The room where the interview took place was small and stark and very bleak. I’d never been in one before, so I have no frame of reference. Detective Hayden was kind but thorough. He meant business. There was no game playing … or intimidation. It was no walk in the park. I have no clue how I “performed”. I was in a fog; numb with fatigue and ill with anxiety.
Lesson: If you’ve been bending the truth this is where any lies/mistruths will start unraveling. Yes, the trauma will cause you to muddle up some details, but the fundamental Truth about your abuse will hold up under pressure. The Truth has a way of doing that.
“No Visible Bruises” by Rachel Snyder is the best thing I’ve ever read on the subject of Domestic Violence. Read it! Your life might depend on it. I wish I had found it years ago. Rachel spent 6 years talking to Prosecutors across the country and she learned - “The thoroughness of police reports is the single most important element they (Prosecutors) need to make their case.”
Hays County Law Enforcement submitted a 30-page report about my case to the Prosecutor. Thirty-pages of diligent reporting prepared by the 4 Officers who came to my rescue, and based on Detective Hayden’s diligent investigation. The Police Report submitted by the Atlanta Police when I dialed 911 in 2011 …. 5 sentences long!!!!
Lesson - Yep, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again and again. Help Law Enforcement to help you.
During the 19-months from Arrest to Sentencing, Detective Hayden taught me another invaluable lesson. Having lived in a state of fearful submission for so very long I would be lying if I didn’t admit there were days I just wanted to throw in the towel. To make the whole thing go away. To stop co-operating. To make the madness end.
If this was even legally possible is not the point. What is the point is that Detective Hayden was that calm voice of Reason that encouraged me to pause and to carefully consider the life I would be returning to. And if you are a Victim reflect on this - If you turn your back on the people who are busting their butt to help you, what are you doing to yourself if you keep “crying wolf?”And what are you doing to the next Victim who needs the help of a motivated Law Enforcement team? Stay the course!
Lesson - I hope that if you ever get to the point of wanting to recant, to give-up on the Legal process, that you too will have a trained and compassionate Detective by your side.
PS: SOME CRITICAL ADVICE ABOUT EVIDENCE.
If you are in an abusive situation I hope you are heeding the advice to gather evidence for when you are eventually brave enough to call out for Help. BUT be absolutely confident about who you TRUST with the details of what you are enduring. Besides the enormous risk you take by breaking your silence, one day the Detective investigating your case will reach out to your confidant/s. And they could be subpoenaed to be a witness if your case goes to court. So it is imperative that the people you confide in have the backbone to stand by your side.
For over 3 years I shared the lurid details of my abuse with a “friend.” After the arrest she was contacted by Detective Hayden. She maintains he never called her! Here’s the thing. Law Enforcement keep diligent records! Once your case is resolved you will know the Truth about who was there for you, and who was merely reveling in the salacious details of your life. If you are one of those “friends” dining out on another person’s horrific soap-opera, own up. It’s easy. Just say; “Please don’t share your story with me. I’m too weak and self-absorbed to ever be of any value to you.”
For those who shared what they knew with Detective Hayden, your courage and loyalty leave me breathless.
For those who hid, I SEE YOU.
