Chapter 2 - Fire In The Gut
My first Blog triggered my need to keep reflecting on Tipping Points. By sharing mine, hopefully you too will spot yours and change the direction of your life for the better.
You certainly don’t have to be a Victim to experience and act upon a Tipping Point. But whenever life doesn’t work out as you had hoped, let your Tipping Points fuel your passion and determination to keep striving.
As I look back over my past few years here are two additional Tipping Points that are as vivid as the moment they happened. I am so thankful for the raw honesty of the people who hit me with a dose of reality.
Tipping Points - another ONE.
Somewhere in the pursuit of Justice I pondered about the role of media. Could ‘My Story’ be helpful to others? Should the efforts of the ‘good guys’ who saved my life be recognized to encourage ‘more of the same’? Would my ‘lessons’ make the post-arrest experience more comprehensible for others?
So I reached out to a Nationally recognized and respected news reporter. And his words angered, astounded and inspired me like nothing else has! After he heard ‘My Story’ – and I hasten to add this was BEFORE Sentencing – he said; “Your story just isn’t newsworthy enough.” At that moment I really didn’t like him. But today I respect him enormously. Not only did he tell me the truth, but he also made me research the data.
The incidence of Domestic Violence, or the term Intimate Partner Abuse (IPA) that I prefer, is staggering! It‘s a National epidemic across all demographics. It is also a violent crime that is hugely under-reported. So many cases are not prosecuted because victims recant – for all the obvious and tragic reasons. And even if a case does get to court, the punishment is far lighter than will ever make sense to me. There were days I almost wished Todd had succeeded in killing me, because Domestic Homicide is taken seriously. ‘Almost’ being killed, sadly, just ain’t enough. I get it!
So Thank You reporter ‘Fred!’ (I made that name up in case you didn’t spot that.) Your honesty about what the media would/would not be interested in inspired me to create UNBEATEN. And nearly every day I am hell bent on proving you wrong, with love, by making the initiatives that UNBEATEN supports ‘newsworthy enough’. (See Projects). Hopefully my UNBEATEN positive advocacy efforts will inspire the media to shine a light on Intimate Partner Abuse thereby joining the fight against Ignorance and helping to spread a little Hope. This is why the UNBEATEN logo is a Phoenix soaring out of the ashes of shattered dreams. And ‘Fred,’ by living my philosophy that “Everyone needs Hope” - I hope to make you proud of me one day!
Tipping PointS - and finally.
One day, over dinner, a dear friend said to me; “What are you going to do if you lose?” By that she meant my Criminal case. At that stage the thought had never crossed my mind. It was inconceivable with the amount of evidence and all the witnesses I had. And the fact that the abuse had occurred repeatedly over a 7 year period! And that I had only ever told the Truth. Surely you only need to be truthful? But she made me wonder if that would be enough?
Her question stopped me cold in my tracks and out of some place I hardly recognized I said, “That is never going to happen!” Her question released in me a bloody-minded determination to ‘win.’ It put steel in my backbone and fuel in my gut. And that’s when I collected and collated every piece of evidence I could locate. That’s when I put together questions that I devoted whatever energy I had to getting the answers to, to defeat my own Ignorance. That’s when I solicited help from remarkable legal brains – at no cost, I must emphasize. That’s when I learned you must be your own best, informed, driven, advocate. The very thought that Justice might not be an option was a Tipping Point that made me learn so much that I plan to share over time.
I pray that whatever your circumstances are that you too experience galvanizing Tipping Points that make your life just a little bit easier, a little bit better.