Chapter 7 - Send In The Troops
So now you’ve reached the point where Law Enforcement are involved!
Whether you reached out to them, or friends or neighbors did, they are now in the picture. This is a life-altering moment. One that is steeped in not knowing how exactly your life will be impacted.
For me, this quote says a lot -
“People tend to prefer the certainty of misery over the misery of uncertainty”
It suggests to me that there are times when we choose the distress of what we know, over the distress of not knowing.
- Not knowing what is going to happen next.
- Not knowing how things are going to ‘play’ out because of ignorance of the rules of the ‘game’.
- Not knowing how an abuser might retaliate now that the police are in the mix.
- Now knowing what actions the police will take.
Let me try to shed some light just through the lens of my experience.
THIS IS A TALE OF TWO CITIES
In January 2018 four Hays County Police Officers arrived at my home. They were adamant about me opening the door; firm but NOT intimidating. They entered my home with respect and gently secured my 3 dogs in a room with a door. One officer, Deputy Zediker, never left my side while the others went to find my abuser. Todd and I were kept in separate rooms while we were thoroughly, fairly and professionally questioned. It was a structured process – NOT an intimidating interrogation. After due diligence Todd was arrested and taken to jail. Then in the very early hours of the morning these officers secured an Emergency Protective Order to keep me safe until a long-term Protective Order could be put in place!
so How can I remember all this? I DON’T!! Once my case was resolved I was allowed to watch hours of Bodycam footage!
my story is not merely based on memory, which is unreliable at best. It is grounded in tangible video footage.
Seven years earlier, while living in Atlanta, I called the police to help me after my 3rd beating. I still had ‘backbone’ then. It was just the beginning of my Domestic Violence marathon. Total submission lay in my future. Two officers, SG Jones and O. Beckless, arrived and stood apathetically in my driveway patronizingly telling me to ‘calm down.’ They then proceeded to swap stories with my abuser about the fact that he was ‘studying’ Criminal Justice at a local Georgia Community College. (The irony of this does not escape me!) After looking at the wall I had been thrown into they then told Todd to check into a hotel until I ‘calmed down’ (again) …. and then they left!!!
For your reading pleasure see the Blog – Why I Stayed - Part 4, for the Incident Report that states that the wall I had been thrown into was “untouched”.
When Todd returned I took him back because you can’t win a battle against someone 50% bigger than you.
And what else could I do? Call the Atlanta cops? Ha!
…… AND I paid the price for another 7 years.
If “DEFUND THE POLICE” had been a rallying cry in 2011, I would have been at the front of the protest line. But after my 2018 experience my caution is, “Be very careful what you ask for?” It is both silly and a waste of energy to debate whether we should fund “bad cops.” That is as foolish as paying a ‘bad lawyer or bad doctor,’ where in both instances your life can hang in the balance. The intelligent discussion must center around how we foster Policing Excellence!
My lesson is that life experience shapes how we view this topic. Sane people know that eradicating “bad cops” and investing in the ongoing training of the ‘good guys’ is what’s critically important. What’s to debate?
So how do you make sense of this? How can 2 Law Enforcement experiences be so radically different?
Many people have tried to suggest that the Hays County police only treated me favorably because of my demographics - White, educated and affluent. I really can’t speak to that as I have always had this demographic profile. I genuinely do not know what it like to be a different ethnicity, or from a different socio-economic group. Equally, my Blogs are not a political platform. You need to reach your own conclusions.
But what I do know is that I was equally White, educated and affluent in Atlanta. In 2011 my Whiteness and ‘privilege’ did not help me.
So I’ve had to try really hard to understand these stark differences in my treatment. This is such a complex issue.
But I believe that TIME is a big variable. That over the course of 7-years an increased understanding of Domestic Violence, and overall enhanced police sensitivity and training, has made a big difference. I also firmly believe that Law Enforcement Leadership plays a fundamental role in the culture that is fostered. I was blessed that the culture fostered by Sheriff Gary Cutler and his team saved my life. I pray that wherever you live you are equally blessed.
And maybe the perspective in my next Blog can help you too.